Home is where I find my most peace. I enjoy my solitude, sometimes more than I enjoy the company of others. Many may find that, for them, being alone is incomprehensible. A stage set for loneliness, and depression. Being alone may allow your thoughts to intrude into the facade of your every day life, making it appear not as grandiose as you may have thought. So, perhaps, you avoid the quiet time, in fear of facing your failures, and really accepting who you are.
I, however, long for those moments. To hear my heart whisper something as subtle as, “this is not your last chapter, it’s the beginning of the plot you’ve been seeking all along,” reminds me that the best is yet to come. That no matter how unexpected the twist in the story, it’s the exact page turner that was needed to keep me going forward to experience the best life ahead. To help create my best self.
When I woke up Christmas morning, I was in a place that used to be home. I still live in it, but with someone I’d rather not. It no longer feels like my place of peace. Rather, a storage unit, filled with all of our crap…both physical and emotional. You see, I’m in a season of many changes. Some wanted. Some unexpected.
I’ve awakened alone on Christmas morning, more than once. And that’s ok. However, waking up with another, in the place you used to call home, was almost unbearable for me. I had to wrestle with my emotions all day. I was angry. I was reliving the past, and feeling sorry for myself on this wondrous day.
I chose to spend the afternoon alone, reflecting. I reopened the book, that is my life, and discovered that there are far more chapters of love and joy, than I had realized. I was able to discern that the most awful chapters were written so that my story has a happy ending.
My current chapter begins with me asking Jesus to take the wheel, because I no longer want to drive. He answered with His seatbelt (armor), and told me to enjoy the ride.
The plot will thicken in 2019!