Writing, for me, is an outlet similar to painting. I thoroughly enjoy getting the paint out and creating something abstractly. I’m not one to draw on the canvas to create the picture. I prefer to see what I can create with paint slopped on here, and there, stand back and view, then “see” what I can make out of it. It’s always a surprise when I’m finished!
Writing is the same. I do it because I find such enjoyment in it. But I never have a plan…I go for it with no intentions. I write a little bit here, a little bit there, and the jumbled mess of thoughts, and notes, come together…kind of like a painting. Perhaps someone will take something away from it. Art.
This particular blog is written with intention. A rekindling of my own heart.
My brother-in-law has been a part of my life since I was 12. He is a family man, and the rock which his children run to. He is the Papa his grandsons adore and emulate. He is the man married to my sister 36 years strong. Sadly, this past Monday morning, he suffered a massive heart attack, and coded 5 times. Miraculously, he has no heart damage. Thankfully, he is already home with his family. God is so good!
My nieces decided to carry on with Thanksgiving, and cooked for our family. It was a wonderful day, filled with laughter, food, and wine. I hadn’t been to a family Thanksgiving in 3 years. While I was there enjoying their company, God was nudging me; Look at all these wonderful people you get to call family. Why aren’t you around more? Why don’t your great nephews really know who you are?! Seriously, it’s as if God was right next to me throwing his shoulder into mine, saying look girl…look at what you’ve been missing. He’d nudge, and I’d sip my wine, pretending it wasn’t happening.
I took those feelings home with me. I used the weekend to decipher, and look inward. It is a big burden on the heart when you clearly realize how your own absence affects yourself.
Gratefully, He has not left my side, and continues to remind me of my shortcomings. It is a friendly reminder. No guilt or shame involved. God is not the sower of these. His intention was not to hurt me when nudging, but to open the eyes of my heart to see how much more love I could give. After all, that is why we are all here.
I have some work to do within myself, but His nudging has inspired me to peel away a few layers of brittleness. It’s lifted me to a brighter place, and I can see more clearly where I need to be.
(The painting above was done earlier this year, but I see it in a whole new light now. Sometimes it takes a lot of scraping away to get to the root. But love will always shine through.)